I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
