i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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