Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
