i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
