I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
