and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
