even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
