I'm going to jail i love you
I looked at my own cervix.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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