But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
