Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
