You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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