god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
