So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
