Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
