Cold hands, warm shart.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
