Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
