Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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