What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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