I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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