just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
