I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
