I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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