thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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