Whod you bang
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
