The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
