So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My bed smells like the plague
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