So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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