I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
