two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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