even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a beard to bite.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
