two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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