You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
