Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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