end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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