i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
