Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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