By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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