I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
