Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize