people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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