Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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