when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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