That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
