Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
