Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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