this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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