Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
