hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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