My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
