party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
