I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
