4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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