If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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