we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
