I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
