Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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